The Married Couples Intimacy Store
(909) 576-9561

The Married Couples Intimacy Store
(909) 576-9561

What Is Sexual Intimacy?

Origin of French Kissing
Most people incorrectly assume the term “French kiss” originated in France. Actually, the term entered the English language in 1923 as a slur on the French culture (which was then deemed infatuated with sexual matters). In the French language, there is no such thing as a “French kiss” – the French prefer to call it a “tongue kiss” or “soul kissing.”

Does size matter?
No...but the average adult male's erect penis measures about 6 inches.

Seventy percent of women would rather have chocolate than sex. (Poll taken in a 1995 popular women’s magazine). 

Seventy percent of women would rather have chocolate than sex. (Poll taken in a 1995 popular women’s magazine).
Intimacy: Ah yes, the bane of some and the benefit of others. Literally, marriage is the lifelong commitment of two becoming one. The act of drawing close enough to form an enduring bond is the profoundness and truth of marriage itself. This closeness is intimacy.

Intimacy isn't just sexual intercourse. Sex is the final and ultimate act of physical intimacy! However, the best sex is founded on generosity. Great sex is reliant upon a mutuality of giving that often seems unrelated to the act itself. And therein lays the secret to intimacy. Every act of kindness, support, and good will creates an environment that allows for two distinct souls to move toward each other in meaningful ways. And as we draw closer to each other, our hearts (our wills) intertwine and what is yours is mine and what is mine is yours...and each breath I draw fills his lungs. Oh my! What a virtue.
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Intimacy: KissingA wifes kiss of love
Do you feel as though you get enough smooches from your spouse? Do you get them long and wet, soft and sensuous or rarely and barely? How important is romantic kissing to you?

It's important to my wife...really important. She really likes kissing. Why?

Kissing is sensuous. Kissing is intimate. Kissing is closeness. Kissing is trust. She likes slow hard kissing. That's when you hold one another close and your tongues glide over each other's. One of you withdraws their tongue and freshly plunges it into the other's mouth. She likes playful kissing. It's giggly pulling at each other's lips and sucking them. It's laughing and tickling one another as you break an embrace and then pulling back together for another go round... It's pressing lips together firmly and gently sucking on your partner's bottom lip while you smile. She really likes kissing. She likes passionate kissing. This is an all out oral invasion that is just about the most sexual event short of genital penetration. It's heavy breathing. It's uncontrollable tongue twisting and head turning. It's primal. It's electric. It's erotic. Few things are more intimate than a good kiss.

What about me? I like kissing sometimes. However, I do it more often than I naturally would...because I like her! And frankly, it is a gift of great worth to her and little expense to me. Beyond the flowers, candy, jewelry and other material offerings, what my wife really wants is me. The lover's kiss is a singularly accessible and demonstrable overture of affection. The point of contact, whether lips or neck or shoulder, becomes ground zero for a veritable burst of intimate energy.

Kissing is good. Marriage is good. Life is good. God is great! Now, kiss me you fool!

Intimacy: Slow Dancingmarried couple dances
Do you ever just slow dance with your husband or wife in the privacy of your home as a way of being intimate or even as intimate foreplay?

My wife and I are in the business of sexual intimacy, so to speak. We each spend a considerable amount of time reading about, considering, working with and talking to others about issues of intimacy. Recently, we were discussing what couples perceive as foreplay (from a male vs. female perspective). The conversation turned to how we can more broadly define intimacy so as to bridge the gap between the physical focus of many men and the emotional focus of many women.

Then it occurred to us. One of the 'acts' of intimacy that we believe most perceive as intimate is slow dancing. Holding one another closely and being led by the rhythm and movement of a song that raises your sexual energy is hot! Body to body, emotional and physical transference of erotic energy is accomplished and each spouse is led into a state of arousal as each receives what they need...intimacy!

Studies show that human touch is a first language of sorts. With a right touch, small babies grow stronger, an unsettled toddler can be calmed, a troubled heart can be reassured and the grip of fear can be immediately loosed. The average adult has 19 square feet of skin with 5 million sensory cells. A lover's touch sends a message to our brain via the spinal chord. Our heart beats quicker sending blood to critical areas of our bodies...including our erogenous zones. A number of good hormones are released promoting a feeling of pleasure and comfort, desire and arousal.

Hands sweep over often unattended to parts of each other's body. Eye to eye, you enter each other's space in ways you typically haven't throughout your busy days. Whatever is shared verbally, gets shared while close, calm, and connected. There is light kissing and coordinated entanglement of one another's body that simulates the adjusted movements characteristic of sexual congress.

I don't know...sounds like foreplay to me. You?

Tips for Time Challenged Husbands and Wives

husband calls wifeFirst comes love...then comes marriage...then comes the baby(ies) in the baby carriage(s).  And shortly afterward, the robust romantic life breaks down into a forced 10 minute interlude 2.1 times per week for the next couple of decades.  Jumpin' Jehoshaphat!   Time's just not on our side [head in hands].

With the demands of life escalating over time, married couples enter a season where their intimacy needs become naturally deprioritized to accommodate other basic sleep and eating.  So, what are we to do to preserve that essential part of our marriage in which unique closeness is experienced?  We mean, how do we keep sex as more than a glorified booty call on Friday nights?  We manage it like we manage other things.

Foreplay doesn't have to be some half-efforted genital rubbing to prime our sexual pumps.  And it can be a full day or multi-day event.  Phone sex may be an option for some of you.  In this age when we all have cell phones, playing a little tele-tease can help get us aroused.  By the time you get home, a quickie won't seem so much like a quickie...because you've been 'playing' all day. 

Text messages are another option.  Try starting with simple I love you's and compliments about your spouse's anatomy.  Escalate to more descriptive language about your desires.  Describe what you imagine sharing with your spouse, sexually. 

Write notes or complete letters to one another.  Write a story about you and your partner on a deserted island.  Give them something to consider anticipation for some fulfillment, late night.

Call one another and flirt or make sexual innuendos interspersed throughout your conversations about getting the car fixed, taking the kids to soccer practice or 'what's for dinner' talk.  Follow these efforts up once together with soft kisses at dinner time, gentle caresses and 'sweet eyes'! 

Time doesn't have to be a barrier to your sex life.  And intimacy is achieved in how you come together...not just how long!