Communicating Boundaries

Husbands and wives must agree on rules and boundaries for sexual activity in their marriage.  It is ultimately destructive ‘to guilt’ or coerce your spouse into any activities to which they are opposed or that cause them discomfort.  It is also injurious to the marriage if one spouse repeatedly breaches a communicated barrier.  Disregarding one another’s values or beliefs is a sign of diminished respect.  The integrity of the relationship is compromised and trust is degraded.

Communication and trust are keystones of healthy and fulfilling sexual intimacy. The experiences born of that sexual intimacy are superior when each spouse is selfless. Activities should not be simply dismissed from the sexual repertoire because of fear. In the same manner that we educate ourselves about parenting and other areas of our lives, we should seek to educate ourselves on issues of sexuality. Each lover must proactively seek to please the other in what is done and not done.

Women: What To Do When On Top!

Some of you may be wondering'what in the world do I do when I'm on top of dear husband during sex'.

The issues are how to move, what to do with the hands, how to know what's working, and how to get pleasure as well as give.  Well ladies, I will say I think that woman on top (WOT) can be a wife's favorite when done well.

Why?  With WOT, we control:

• Depth of penetration (Hey, that's my cervix drillmaster!)
• Clitoral stimulation (Gotta push that button!)
• G-spot stimulation (over the lips, and away from the buns, watch out g-spot.  Here it comes!)
• Speed of thrust and pressure of grind (Be careful, Tommy.  You'll crush the kitty.)

So, what do we do when we are on top?

Build excitement.  Don't let dear husband penetrate right away.  If possible, position his penis pointing towards him (lying on his belly) as you rub your vagina gently along the length of its shaft to stimulate both him and yourself.  As you move forward, lean down to get your clitoris the stimulation it needs.  Stop just as you reach the under part of his penis head.

Experiment with movement.  When you do allow dear husband to penetrate, make it clear that you need to be in control.  Do it slowly.  At first, grind him.  Once he is fully inside you, just move your hips in a circular motion with your full weight on him.  Grind slowly moving your upper body forward and backward, side to side.  Pay attention to which gives you the most pleasure.  Alternate with the piston action, lifting yourself off of him such that his penis comes out and goes back in...  As he is fully aroused, allowing his penis to come completely out and then back in...is very exciting for dear husband.

Change positions.  WOT is not just you sitting upright.  You can lie on top of him (reverse missionary style).  With legs bent or fully extended, place your hands beneath his back or buttocks and grind him.  Adjust your body so that, again, you are getting the stimulation you need.  Sit upright with your feet flat on the bed and legs fully separated.  Invite dear husband to gently caress your clitoris as you grind him.

Hot tip:  In the same manner you would when you are trying to 'hold your pee', tighten your pelvic muscles.  He will feel it during intercourse!

Foreplay: Body Exploration

Exploration of each other's body can be a very erotic arousing 'event'.  We often think of foreplay in narrow terms (i.e. oral sex, kissing, genital stimulation, etc.). Foreplay can be as brief or as involved as time, attention, and energy allow.

While open to modification and personalization, the following would be a basic example of this sexual foreplay technique:

You and dear husband are naked on a comfortable surface.  Candles are lit and mood music is playing.  You will need a good body oil.  It is best to have a body oil that doubles as a lube (some heat up when blown)!  Feathers, a massage candle, and a blindfold are just a few good props to provide variation of sensations.

The goal with exploration is to be attentive to parts of your spouse's body not normally attended to during intercourse.  The backs of thighs and knees, the small of their back, feet, hands, bellies, and other parts may be prime candidates for this focused attention.  Pre-think which parts will receive your attention.

In exploration, run your hands across their entire body.  Do it slowly and be firm.  The pads of your fingers should create indented strokes that are long and even.  Avoid touching genitals.  This will help build arousal.

Use appropriate amounts of body oil or hot wax to effect a sensuous massage.  If using warming oil, blow on body parts to create the warming sensation (chest, inner thighs, buttocks).  Spend time sucking fingers (before applying any oils unless the oils are 'edible' or flavored for ingestion).  Suck them slowly, pulling them in and out of your mouth in a 'come hither' way.  Make frequent eye contact unless you've decided to use the blindfold.  Audible cues can be just as enticing.  Moan just a little or breath a little more heavily.  If a part of your sexual repertoire, speak provocative words and phrases to provide mental stimulation that matches the physical.

Be sure to add extra touches, literally.  Use a feather to provide a different sensory experience, covering the length of the body.   If massaging their shoulders, you may straddle their back and brush your genitals along the lower back or on buttocks.  Whisper in dear spouse's ear.  Make love to each other's toes, knee-backs, or inner thighs with the tongue.  Lick, slurp, and kiss the part as you inch closer to the genitals (but not touching).

Finally, once both of you have worked up a sufficient 'lather' and are 'ready', let the natural compulsion take it's course.


There are a number of other products to enhance your intimate experiences.  Lubricants, toys, sensitizers/desensitizers, and others help you and your spouse achieve the goals of your intimate encounters.  We offer Specialty Kits to help you sample a variety of products or to provide a travel size assortment of products for a romantic getaway.

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