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The Married Couples Intimacy Store
(909) 576-9561

Permitted or Prohibited: Sex Rules in the Christian Marriage

Biblical Principles for Sex in Marriage

The scarcity of more specific references to certain common sexual acts suggests to us that God believes that recorded scriptural principles and His Spirit of Grace are sufficient to guide us to what is acceptable in His sight and best for us.  (John 16:13, II Timothy 3:16, 17)  We do not have a formulaic approach to knowing the heart of God concerning our choices of sexual activities and behaviors.  God wants to speak directly to us about our choices.  (I John 2:27, Romans 10:17)  We are, thus, blessed with scriptural principles to facilitate us hearing from God on the issues of our lives.  (Romans 10:14)  Whether it is resolving mismatched sex drives, issues of frequency or quality of sex, use of sex toys, anal sex, role play or other issues, the word of God does provide guidance.  Let’s examine those principles and consider the text and context in which they are found.  Prayer, study and an open heart will allow God’s Holy Spirit to lead us to valuable answers and sound conclusions.

The principles are hereafter referred to as Exclusivity, Mutuality, Conduct, Attitude and Purpose.  Each summarizes a spiritual, mental or physical approach to sexual intimacy between a husband and wife.  

The EMCAP Principles

Principle 1: Exclusivity.  Sexual experiences are exclusively between one man and one woman in the context of marriage.  

Principle 2: Mutuality.  Sexual intimacy is a collaboration of efforts supported by mutual respect, agreement and willing sacrifice for the fulfillment of one’s spouse.  

Principle 3: Conduct.  Sexual activity and behaviors do not intentionally inflict pain nor demean either spouse physically, emotionally, or spiritually.   

Principle 4: Attitude.  Sexual activities and behaviors support a husband and wife’s focus on and preference for one another.  

Principle 5: Purpose.  Sexual activities and behaviors serve the natural purposes of sex which is genital union.   

With the application of these principles, we have Biblically based standards by which we can begin to judge whether our practices are righteous in the sense that they serve God’s purpose for sexual intimacy while providing fulfillment for one another.

For more information on these principles, sex ethics and issues of sexuality from a Christian perspective, get our new e-book, Play!  Soon available for download.  We make the points.  You make the choice!



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Christian Sex

What is this idea of Christian Sex?

Is there Christian baking too?  What do we use, holy dough?  What about Christian sleeping, Christian eating, Christian breathing, Christian walking, Christian aging or Christian hair combing?

So many of the natural processes we observe as Christians are admittedly no different in course or sequence than when observed by those who are not Christian.  What makes Christians distinct is that we believe that even our ordinary actions give us opportunity to both demonstrate and observe God's glory. 

Yes, we believe we can demonstrate and observe God's glory during sex!  We believe our faith in God through Jesus as Christ informs and influences every aspect of our lives.  However, by no means, can we declare that sex can be uniquely Christian.  This is the myth that promotes so much distortion in our attitudes toward sex.  It is the devotion of our hearts and the transformation of our minds that makes sex a more glorious and righteous experience.

Christians experience sex as a grace to the institution of marriage and are at liberty to explore the various benefits sexual intimacy provides a man and a woman.  And in much the same way that a Christian baker observes the same process for creating his or her bread, we observe from sexual intimacy those ideas which remind us of the awesome favor of God who created the universe and gave such gifts to mankind.  We observe oneness, the creation of life and incredible joy.

The mechanics and processes of sexuality are the same for Christians as for all others.  It is the devoted heart and transformed mind of a Christian that influences our perception of how to appreciate sexual intimacy in our marriages.

Holy dough!

Masturbation: I Touch Myself!

It is often difficult for us to separate our biases from the explicit or implicit will of God when it comes to sex.  We are nurtured to believe some things.  We are affected by our culture.  We are impacted by the perceptions and expressions of our friends.  These influences fill the void left by an absence of teaching or direction from our parents or other influential people in our lives.

One of the most taboo subjects for Christians is that of masturbation.  It seems difficult for us to have certain conversations in the body of Christ and this is one of them.  If masturbation is a sin, then we should see this clearly in scripture.  There must be some acknowledgement of it as sinful.  There should be some precedent or event where God speaks to the evil or offense of self-pleasure. 

Perhaps, there is a principle of scripture that excludes the manual manipulation of one’s own or another’s genitals.  After all, masturbation isn’t just pleasing one’s self.  Generically, masturbation is the manual manipulation of genitals.  Some common language for the act of masturbating another includes hand jobs and fingering

So, is masturbation prohibited or permitted?  Does the answer depend on whether it is a solo act or with one’s spouse?  We ask the question in the context of things that happen within marriage. 

In that context, we do believe that all sexual acts should have union between a husband and wife as their primary directive.  Acts that are solely for self-pleasure are opposite the theme of oneness sexual intimacy is designed to promote. 

Be prayerful and careful about your choices.  Choose, in marriage, to please one another and you will live free in Christ! (Galatians 5:13)

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We Believe...

We believe in the triune God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit).  We believe that salvation is made available throught the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God.  We Believe in the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit and that holiness is required for our acceptance with God.